I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
