I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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