I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
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