sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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