She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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