Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize