What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I also got a mission for you and you're gonna love it. Biggest. Hospital. Party. Ever.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize