I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
nutella sex= disaster
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
