I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
