It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
