I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
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