nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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