i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Terrible idea I love it
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
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