I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
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