just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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