Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
