You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
