I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
