i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Randomize
