i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
