I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
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