the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
