Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
