you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
