What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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