tell your sister to shave her snatch
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
