Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Randomize
