you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
