Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
