just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
