I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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