census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
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