I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize