by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
