I looked at my own cervix.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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