is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
