I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
