I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
