So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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