There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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