I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
