wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
