Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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