he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize