He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize
