he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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