umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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