Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
