i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
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