you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
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