Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
