They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
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