I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Randomize
