I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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