i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
