Capitaan dildo arrescate!
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
