How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
