I want to walk on stilts...naked
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
