State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
