I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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