we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Randomize
