She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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