That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
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