That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
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