The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
