Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
i now understand why vodka
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
