there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
His hands were made for my vagina.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
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