There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I need to calm my uterus...
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
