My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
