I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
