If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Randomize
