If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
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