Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
