i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
