Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
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