i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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